I want to press pause right now

Noah,

You're 17 weeks old today. Happy 17 week birthday, baby boy! I cannot believe that on Sunday you will be four months old. Holy cow. How did that happen?



This week was a busy week for you. You started to say, "yeah" "hey" "good" and "lights" over the last week. You've continued to say all of the words except lights which has been sort of crazy to get used to.

Right now, you're in the most adorable stage. You smile at me all day long no matter what you're doing. It's so cute, but it also makes certain things more difficult. Like nursing. You look up at me with wide eyes while you nurse and you smile while you are eating then you pop off about every 30 seconds to give me a huge grin. I have to be careful not to smile back at you too much because then you hold off on eating and get over hungry and cry really hard. But if I don't smile the exact right amount back at you, you cry too because you want to smile at mommy and you want mommy to smile back. It's pretty adorable.



At night, you're consistently getting a 3-5 hour stretch and then you wake up every two hours after that to breastfeed. I can't tell you how amazing that is. Most nights, I get a three hour stretch with you and then I can't fall back asleep because I'm not used to getting so much sleep. You've always been really good about falling right back asleep after you breastfeed in the night, but lately, you are so social, you like to stay up smiling and chatting with mommy. I know that I'm lucky you are able to be so interactive so I just roll with whatever you're in the mood for. There will be plenty of years when you're all grown up for mommy to sleep.

Your personality is so funny, Noah. You've always been a really loud pooper. Daddy and I would belly laugh when you were a newborn because you would grunt and then let out the loudest poops ever. Because you saw us laughing now you grunt then you look up at mommy and smile the biggest smile I've ever seen after you go to the bathroom. It's so funny, and I know when you read this you will be horrified that I mentioned that, but you make us laugh so much.

Now that you're older, you love to play. You mostly love to be held by mommy and daddy and you adore kisses from us. But you also have an independent streak which means there are times you want to be put in the crib with your various stuffed animals and your doggie lovie that Uncle Tony and Aunt Jo gave you. You'll play and stop to look up at me to make sure I'm watching and smile. Then you go right back to playing. If daddy or I interrupt your playtime by kissing you, you cry. But any other time you hold your cheek out for us to kiss and give us the biggest smiles. It's amazing how much a personality you already have.



Your sense of humor really defines you right now. You love to nestle your face in my chest and play peek-a-boo whether it's while you're eating or when you're just sitting on mommy's lap. Then you look up and laugh. It makes me smile every time. You're so aware of our reactions to you it amazes me. The other day, you were breastfeeding and crying because you had smiled too much at mommy and you were over hungry. I kept trying to get you to eat but you wouldn't until it was too late. Mommy didn't realize it but she rolled her eyes out of frustration. You stopped crying mid-cry and looked up at me with the widest eyes I've ever seen and cocked your head and gave me a look that said, "I need to cry right now, mommy, and I need you to just sit there and listen to me." I smiled down at you and you gave me the biggest grin, then a pouty lip, and you cried for about two more minutes with large smiles in between the loud cries. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Eventually, you stopped then you started to play peek-a-boo with me, you smiled, and you held your cheek out for me to kiss.



It's amazing that you already have such different preferences for daddy and me. I've been trying to no avail to get you to use the Ergo baby carrier we have. No matter what state you are in before I put you in it you let out loud shrieks about five minutes into the carrying. The other day, mommy was going to the grocery store to do our grocery shopping and you let daddy carry you in the Ergo for an hour and half while mommy was gone. You even took a nap in it. I guess you just need different things from each of us, and we're okay with that. You're a huge fan of daddy. As soon as he comes home you want to play games with him. It works out great because that gives mommy a chance to make healthy dinners for daddy and me. Now that we have you, we want to make sure to eat healthy so that we set a good example for you and so that we live as long as possible to enjoy our time with you.



There's so much more for me to say. Like, you can sleep through a diaper change in the middle of the night. Even a dirty diaper change, but you still lift your legs up for mommy to put the diaper under you and help mommy put your legs in your pants even if you are sleeping. I pretty much laugh and smile at least 100 times a day with you, Noah.

It's so much fun, but I wish I could slow time down because these almost four months have flown by, and I wish we could stay wrapped up in our own little world forever.

I can't explain to you what it feels like to be your mommy, but I hope you feel all the love daddy and I have for you.

Love,
Mommy

We need to watch what we say

Noah,

You said "Dada" for the first time around 10 weeks old. And weeks before that you began "chatting" with mommy all day long in your own little language. By the time we visited Chicago when you were 10 weeks old, all of your relatives were impressed with how much of a conversation you would try to hold with mommy. Daddy and I talked to you all the time when you were in my belly, and once you were born we kept chatting with you. Some of the best parenting advice we got came from Aunt Gina and mommy's friend Cass. They both told us to talk to you all the time, and to explain everything to you from the day popped out of mommy's belly. Since you were born we've explained what we are doing when we change your diaper, feed you, put you to sleep, walk you around, you name it.

So we shouldn't be surprised you want to communicate back with us.

From the time you could see lights you have stared at the brightest light in any room you're in. Mommy is constantly telling you "Noah, don't stare at the lights, they will hurt your eyes." We chat about the lights, we chat about the tree outside of your nursery window and the colors of the leaves as they have changed from green, to orange, to yellow, to brown, to empty. Mommy listens to you and says "yeah, Noah?" and I greet you every morning with "Hey, good morning!" or "Hi Noah." Daddy and I have had so many belly laughs over you chatting away with us and smiling. Sometimes when you're angry, you cry and chat at us as if you are airing your grievances. It's adorable. We've become so used to the gibberish that yesterday you really caught us off guard.

See, last week, mommy got an email from babycenter that said you'd be able to make "g" and "h" sounds now. That you might say "gaga" or something like that. Yesterday, we were at Nordstrom looking at shoes for Daddy when you stopped looking and smiling at mommy and you had a blank stare on your face. Immediately, I knew there were lights somewhere that you were staring at. So I said, "Noah are staring at lights somewhere?" And plain as day you said "Lights!" Daddy and I couldn't believe it. We knew you'd be learning "g" and "h" sounds, but lights??? Really, Noah?

After looking at the shoes, daddy decided to try a few shirts on. You and I were waiting outside of the dressing room when one of the salespeople told us we could come have a seat in the mens fitting room because they had a comfortable chair. After a few minutes he came in to ask me how daddy was doing. I said, "I think he found a shirt he likes." The salesman said "Good." Then he started to walk away, and you shouted, "Good." He stopped where he was and turned with a disturbed look on his face. Again you shouted, "Good!" Then, he turned to me pointing at you and said, "How old is that baby?!?!?" When I told him you were three and a half months, he said "Whoa, that's crazy" and walked out of the dressing room.

Daddy and I laughed all the way home. Of course you'd skip gaga and move straight to good and lights.

Later that night, daddy was in his studio recording some drops while mommy was changing your diaper and chatting with you. You started to shout "hey" back at me. Out of nowhere I got the chills. This feels way too early. So I sort of ignored it, but kept chatting with you. Again and again you would say "hey" and "yeah" until finally I heard daddy shout through the wall. "That's crazy, I can hear him saying "hey" in here."

I wanted to make sure to write a letter to you today so that I remember that you said your first real words besides Mama and Dada on November 15, 2009 when you were 16 and a half weeks old. Right now, you're peacefully sleeping on my chest as I type. You've been laughing and chatting all morning.

Part of me is so proud of you, but part of me can't believe how quickly you're growing up. I feel like it was just yesterday that daddy and I were calling you Demorris and dreaming of what you would look like.

Last week, you were standing on the ground with mommy and you took two steps holding on to my fingers. Before I know it, you're going to be standing at the foot of our bed saying, "Hey, I'm bored, what's for breakfast?" I'm just afraid that might be next week!

Love,
Mommy

For now...we're doing something right.

At least that's how Noah makes us feel. Every day gets better having our little guy around. And with each new stage, we find ourselves overcome with the love we feel for Noah. Ash and I each stop often in the middle of a sentence to tell the other how having Noah was the best decision we ever made.

Right now, Noah is going through the most smiley stages I've ever seen a baby go through. He smiles when he's awake, he smiles when he's tired, he smiles when breastfeeds, he smiles when he sleeps, and he even smiles while he's crying. I can't explain how happy it makes me to go to bed to Noah smiling up at me, and to spend the morning hours feeding Noah until he stops to give me a huge grin.

For now, he seems to think Ash and I are the best parents a baby could ever have. It's adorable, and it makes us want to be the best parents we can be. We both acknowledge that it's easy for him to love us and think we're great when all our relationship entails with him right now is feeding, cuddling, playing, and caring for him. We haven't had to tell him "no" yet or we can't afford to buy you that thing that you will die if you don't have for your 10th birthday. We haven't hurt his feelings or let him down.

For now, it's easy being parents. All we do is love Noah and take care of him. He makes it so easy for us. He is adorable, and he cries when he needs to tell us something so we know if something is wrong. But he mostly boosts our egos by smiling like he won the lottery when one of us comes in a room or goes to hold him.

This morning, Ash woke up with me for the 5:30 am feeding and the two of us stayed up talking about parenting and the relationship we each want to have with Noah. I hope we can keep up with him. So far, he's the perfect son. I hope we can manage to be half as good of parents as he is as a baby. And as he gets bigger and we have more children, I hope we remember how important his relationships with us are. And how having two loving parents that adore him will put him ahead of a majority of kids out there.

I know all moms think their sons could do no wrong. But really? I can't even imagine Noah thinking something wrong. I've drank the Noah koolaid. I'm the mother of a son, and a future mother-in-law that will drive my daughter or son-in-law crazy.

I can't wait.

Here's to Ash and me doing right by Noah for the rest of his life!

We've come so far for this to only be 16 weeks!

Noah,

I can't believe how much of a personality you have. Today, when I went to rub my nose against yours you let out the heartiest laugh I've ever heard. For weeks you've been giggling, but today you let out a hearty belly laugh, and I almost died it was so adorable. I tried to get it on film for daddy because he was at work, but as soon as the camera came out you stopped laughing and gave me a look that said, "Can some of these things just be between us?"



I can't believe that 16 weeks ago today, Daddy, Grandma, Lorrie, the midwives, the nurses and I got to watch you be born. I never imagined that anything could be more amazing than the day you were born, but every day, I thank God that I have you, and you do something that takes my breath away and makes me feel so alive. Sometimes it's just trying to kiss me back or smiling when I about to cry about something. It's almost unbelievable to me how much you've learned in the last 16 weeks. You can sit up now, stand up if you're holding on to something, help put your own pants on, smile, laugh, talk baby talk, and play games with your daddy.

What's even more amazing to me though is how much you've taught me in 16 weeks. It's totally cliche to tell you that, but Noah, you've showed me how to look at the world completely differently. I find myself noticing everything about a room I'm in because I know you're looking around and wondering what things are and I want to be able to explain everything to you. You light up every room you enter, and in the last 16 weeks you've made so many strangers happy. People constantly stop to stare at you, and I can't even tell you how many times daddy and I have been told by strangers that you're the most beautiful baby they've seen. Especially women. It scares me that you already have such a rapport with women. Lord help us.



Your personality is as adorable as your looks. You will spend hours just smiling at me. But if for some reason, I look away, and miss you smiling at me, you cry at the top of your lungs. You want daddy and me to notice you which is not very hard for us. We both sit there for hours just looking in awe at you. Our love made you, and more specifically, mommy made you. It's unreal to daddy and me still, but seeing how perfect you are makes us know we were meant to be together.

Lately, you've been all about mommy. So much so that when daddy uses the bathroom in our bedroom you look at the door to make sure he's not coming back in the room so you know you have mommy to yourself. You give me the most adorable half smile. It makes daddy and me laugh. Only because you want your time with daddy too. Last night you were crying with mommy, then I handed you to daddy and you remembered a game he plays with you where you put your hand in his mouth and he pretends to eat it. As soon as you hit daddy's arms you stopped crying then put your hand in his mouth to play. We can't believe how much you remember and how interactive you are already.

I think you're getting ready to teeth because sometimes you cry and the only thing that helps is a teething ring or biting on mommy's fingers with your gums.

Right now, you're cuddled up in my arms as I type. It's hard to imagine that some day you'll be a man that doesn't need me to hold you and cuddle you to sleep. But at the same time, seeing how many things you've accomplished and what an amazing person you already are, I can't wait to see the man you become some day.

Here's to enjoying every week we get to spend together until then.



Happy 16 week Birthday, Noah!

Mommy loves you!
Mommy

Happy 15 week birthday you hope-filled baby!

Noah,

A year ago today, the first black President of the United States was elected by the American people. Daddy and I spent the day going door-to-door and making phone calls to voters in Loudon County, Virginia which was a swing county in a swing state. We'd been talking about starting a family for a while, and we both agreed that we wanted to wait until the President was someone just like our future children.

Sure enough, President Obama was elected, and sometime in the month of November last year, we made you.

Now a year later, you are 15 weeks old. I can't believe what a difference a year has made. So much has changed for daddy and me, but mostly, we're just happy that we can raise you and show you that the most powerful man in the world is someone just like you. To think that daddy grew up not even dreaming to be President because no one who looked like him had ever held that office makes me sad for daddy as a child. But it makes me happy for daddy as an adult because at least he can tell his son to dream about holding that office someday knowing that you will see someone like President Obama on TV and in your text books.

Noah, you're absolutely adorable these days. Somehow you get cuter and cuter every day. This week you learned how to sing. You used to just talk to daddy and me, but now you sing to mommy. It's absolutely the cutest thing I've ever seen. You spend so much of the day staring at me and talking and singing to me. I've never met anyone that finds me so captivating and interesting. Not even daddy. The other day daddy kissed me and you cried because I was paying attention to someone that wasn't you. These days you are quite the mama's boy, and it's so darn adorable. Daddy isn't jealous though. He's happy for the two of us since we spend all day together every day. If mommy smiles at you it can make anything better. When I give you your medicine for your acid reflux, I smile at you the whole time, and now you smile when you see it coming, swallow it down and then smile and talk to me afterward. It tastes pretty bad, but you react to how I react to things which I always make sure to keep in mind.

You're as in love with me as I am with you, and it's such a great feeling. You smile and laugh all the time, and it makes us know that you are happy. We're hoping to help you keep that inner happiness and your sense of curiosity as you grow. It won't always be as easy to parent you as it is now, but we want to make sure to lay a happy, healthy foundation for you.

This week, you are holding your head up all almost all the time, sitting on your own, smiling, laughing, and singing. The other day we were riding in the car, and you started to cry, but then all of a sudden you were silent. When I looked in the rearview mirror to see the mirror on the back of the car seat that is angled into your seat, you were staring back at me because you discovered the mirror and were just staring at mommy mesmerized. You're 13 pounds and some change now and around 24 inches long. I watched you grow on Monday throughout the day. It was adorable to see the little rolls on your legs disappear throughout the day as your legs grew! Being a mom is unbelievable. Especially yours.



Today, you aren't feeling well. You projectile vomited all over the kitchen, mommy and you, but you're still smiling and loving life. I feel like we have so much to learn from you.



Happy 15 week birthday our little hope-filled baby!

Love,
Mommy

Happy Halloween!

Noah,

You are the best baby ever. Over the last couple of weeks your personality is coming out more and more. You are so fun loving and smiley. All day long you smile at mommy and daddy and try to talk to us.

For Halloween you were a pea in the pod and the President in 2048! Most babies cry from having costumes put on them, but you sat there and let mommy take 100 pictures of you in an oversized three-piece suit. Talk about a great personality!









Every day gets better and better with you. You melt my heart 100 times a day. Last night, you weren't in the mood to sleep so at 1:30 you at some food then you sat there smiling and laughing at me as I tried to cuddle you back to sleep. You just wanted me to smile back and talk to you. I realize that some parents are all business when their babies wake up in the middle of the night for feedings, but you're usually pretty good about going straight back to sleep, so I figure if you're up and want to interact with mommy, it's my job to interact with you. So we sat there for an hour just smiling and cooing back and forth at each other.

Daddy and I keep hearing that babies become interactive and fun at six months, but you're already so fun and social that I imagine you'll be throwing parties for the neighborhood babies when you're six months old.

You're around 2 feet tall now, and you have the best demeanor I've ever seen on a baby. When I was in labor I asked for a healthy, happy, attractive baby with a pleasant demeanor. A friend of mine told me that anything a pregnant woman prays for during labor comes true. So I prayed for those things and world peace. From the way you've turned out it looks like world peace is just around the corner!

Love you!
Mommy

Happy 14 Week Birthday Noah!

Noah,

You turned 14 weeks old today, and I can't even believe that you've already learned so much. In some ways it feels like time has flown, and in other ways I feel like you've been here with daddy and me forever. That's a good thing. You fit right in with us, and you're learning and growing more and more every day.



We took you to your first social issue discussion tonight at the Johns Hopkins University. There was a non-partisan panel discussing same sex marriage. We were curious to see what the discussion would be like so we headed over with you in tow. We also think it's important for us to teach you and expose you to as much as possible while you're still taking everything in. We want to make sure you are worldly and thoughtful so we thought it might be a good idea to expose you to both sides of the same sex marriage debate even though daddy and I think it's ridiculous that we don't guarantee everyone the same civil rights.

To be honest, it was a little much for you. I think you weren't willing to hear the other side that doesn't agree with daddy, mommy and you so you and I headed out of the room to a different comfy lobby to hang out and look around. There were a couple of boys who were 12 and 14 and they were in awe of you. You didn't like them so much, but they wanted to talk to mommy and you. One of the boys has to live with his uncle because his mom can't care for him, and he talked to us about what it's like not to live with his mommy and how much he likes his uncle. We had a great time, then you needed to eat and poop so you and I went in the bathroom. I didn't feel comfortable nursing you with the cover around those boys and I knew they weren't going to leave us alone to nurse. They actually waited outside of the bathroom door for us so that they could finish telling us their life stories.

Afterward we headed back to the room where the discussion was and chatted with the four panel members. It is amazing how much of a little personality you have. People were in awe of you. A few people told us you are the most beautiful baby they've ever seen. And you liked hearing the discussions mommy and daddy were having with both sides of the table until a woman that daddy thought was sort of loud came up and started talking to mommy and you. You gave her your pouty face and you kept it on until she left. It was hilarious. I thought maybe it was a fluke until she came back and you did it again! You spent time looking around. Then when we took you out to the car I nursed you before we headed home. You stopped nursing and looked up at me with the biggest smile I've ever seen. You kept stopping nursing to smile and coo at me. Daddy and I were laughing and loving it. It was as if you were telling us, "All I want is my family right now. Just the three of us!"

I wanted to tell you that story because Noah you are a little person now. You don't seem like a baby at all to us except we have to carry you and change your diapers and you coo instead of talking in sentences. But we feel like you're just like us. You fit in so well that sometimes I forget you're with us when you're asleep on daddy or me. It just feels so normal and perfect right now. Last night, people were shocked we were able to bring you out at three months and that daddy and I look so rested and happy. A few people told us how it took them a really long time to get used to having children. We were proud to tell them about all the places you've already been and seen. You go with the flow, and part of that is you, and part of that is us because we're not afraid to bring you places because we know you have to see new things even if we have to risk you crying in public. It's good for you and it's good for us.

You're saying mama and dada randomly now. I don't think you get what you're saying, but you also repeat "hi" which I think I mentioned to you in an earlier letter. You do little sit ups because you've discovered your feet, and you pull your feet to your chest. You always pulled your legs towards your waist, but now you look at them and then move them which means you know what you're doing. When I'm holding you, you lift your head off of me and push against my chest with your arms and arch your back. You have so much more head and body control it's amazing. You also have figured out your exercise mat. At first you didn't like it because you couldn't hit the different things on it. You're a lot like mommy. When you're not good at something you don't want to do it, and I relate to that and let you do things on your own time. You're sitting up on me more and more and standing too. Today I held you up in a standing position on the floor and you took two steps forward. It's amazing how much you're learning.



You also like to chew on things so I bought you a teething ring that goes in the refrigerator. You picked out a few toys including keys at Target yesterday, and you're quite happy with all of them. I put the teether on your chest and let you bring it up to your mouth. It's adorable. Just like everything else you do.



14 amazing weeks have gone by. I'm happy I get to be home with you to enjoy every first that comes along. Daddy misses you in the day, but yesterday you gave daddy your first real kiss. For months you've been opening your mouth on my cheek when I kiss you, but yesterday you closed your mouth and puckered up to kiss daddy. It made me so proud of you. Today, you went back to kissing me by sucking on my entire cheek. I guess you like to change it up on us! I can't believe how aware you are. I wanted you to try to fall asleep for a nap on your own so I put you in the crib when I knew you were tired, and you stared at the baby video monitor camera, and smiled and talked to it. I think since I take so many pictures of you, you realize what cameras are, and you knew I could see you wherever I was. Eventually, you started eating your first and it looked like you were flicking me off! I can't tell you how many times a day you make me laugh or take my breath away. Yesterday daddy said, "You know what I was sleeping on? Babies."



We couldn't have imagined you'd be this awesome. It wouldn't have been fair for us to ask for a child as amazing as you are. So that makes it all the more special that you're this cute little way more perfect smaller version of us.

Happy 14 week Birthday Noah!

Here's to many many more!

Love, Mommy