Monday, May 10, 2010

I'm Controversial?

I spend a majority of my time raising an adorable baby, and I spend a good portion of the time left over talking about how adorable he is and how happy I am being his mom.

So imagine my surprise when I posted a story to Shape of A Mother and saw that there were lots of comments to my posting and some were VERY angry at me.

In fact, I'm convinced most of the people only read the title which I'll admit was a tad controversial, "Skinny Moms, I have a Problem with You." But, come on, we need catchy titles to draw people in.

I found it hilarious at first, and then I cried, and then I laughed even harder. People hated me for writing a funny story about my life? Somehow, although I never used the word HATE in my story, people chastised me for saying I hate them. So I used the handy little find button on my computer and searched for hate, and realized that I did use the word whatever in my post once, and maybe hate within that word just glared back at some folks?

Really though, I'd like to address the point of my posting, and what I think is a larger point worth making. Women are ANGRY. They appear to be angry with me, but I doubt that they really care what some stay-at-home-mom with a fabulous husband, child and life really thinks about them. I think they are just angry people. Angry they have to justify choices not to gain weight or lose weight or even really just angry in general.

People love to take one experience, generally their own, and make it the experience. I mean, one woman said she ate healthy while she was pregnant then exercised and ate healthy later, but oh wait. Who am I kidding. Here's a line of what she said, "Sure SOME women have great genes, and SOME work at their bodies and dont sit around and watch tv all day because they are pregnant, that is how you will get a pooch and look not the same after a baby." I found this woman particularly hilarious because she did what she accused me of doing. She made huge judgments about women who aren't thin after birth. I also found her endearing because she's not smart. She wrote McDonald's as two words. And somehow, I just couldn't take her seriously because I worked 60-70 hour weeks and commuted another 15 hours every week during my first trimester. I was the least lazy pregnant person I've ever met.

I never said that I didn't think some women work hard to get their bodies back. I never said I hate skinny moms. I said something very specific. And it really wound some people up. People made assumptions about me like I must be fat and lazy and not like myself, but I think this blog that documents an entire year of my life speaks for itself. I ate healthier during pregnancy than any other woman I've ever met. And I like myself quite a bit, and I like my life even more. :)

Women reacted very strongly because my guess is although they may be thin after birth, they don't like themselves. I clearly addressed one specific incident that I'm all too familiar with as a mom. Whether it's getting your body back or getting your baby to sleep through the night people always take what worked for them to be the one and only way to do things. I mean, if Noah is a happy, wonderful baby does that mean it's 100% because I'm an awesome mom and Ash is an awesome dad? Because yes, we work hard at being parents, but we both realize, Noah's nature is to be happy and love life. We can help him along that path, but if our baby didn't just have a happy disposition it would be hard to get him to be so much fun and so great to be around all the time. We understand part of it is luck or well actually our GENES. Rumor has it, we were both pretty easy going happy babies ourselves.

7 comments:

  1. I felt that most people didn't read past the title, too. And I did the same thing with a search for the word "hate." lol

    I'm glad this didn't hurt you, Amanda, and that you were able to laugh it off.

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  2. Thanks Bonnie! I love your site and what you're doing for moms everywhere! :)

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  3. Amanda-I'm glad you were able to laugh off the ugly comments. Your post certainly struck a big raw nerve, didn't it?!

    Seems that you are ahead of the curve as far as feeling peace with who you are - good for you.

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  4. Well Amanda I'm really enjoying reading your blog. Having met the young musician Noah lol he's just adorable and regarding the comments well, it's great! you certainly hit a few nerves but that's fine maybe a few more people will take the time to read something in it's entirety and then make a comment! Big hug to that cutie boy of yours!

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  5. I loved your post! I even read it aloud to my hubby! it was very funny...

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  6. aww, i was one of the 'skinny' mums who responded, i didn't say anything cruel.. But i think most skinny mums saw this as a good chance to get their point across, i know i did! Skinny women have just as many issues but all we get is grief because apparently our slimness makes us inhuman in some way, as if we can't join the mummy club because we have a flat tummy :( we have all the other stuff though! lol.
    Anyway, i enjoyed your post, i think you should feel proud that you invoked such a response!! ignore any negative comments, it's just people desperate to give an opinion. It was well written and by the looks of things the majority of mum's out there agreed with you completely :)

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  7. I am also one of the women who commented, nothing unkind or nasty... I just don't agree 100 percent:) I think that unfortunately your attempt at humor was lost on many of the readers. It definitely was lost on me to a certain extent, and yes I read the whole post;)

    Our PP experiences are like snowfalkes, no two are the same. And while it may not have been your intension to be devisive or to devalue other mothers experience, it did come across that way in certain parts of your post. I am not criticizing you, but just pointing out that there is a value in trying to see this from another woman's perspective.

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