My Baby Can Spell?

Noah's brain has been working overtime. Over Christmas and the weeks leading up to it, Noah had some of the roughest times of his life. Well if you discount that whole crying from 8 pm - 1 am thing we did for the first 10 weeks of his life. Mostly him, sometimes me with him if I was tired enough. Anyway, we had sleepless nights, and when I say sleepless nights, I am not talking about the nights some moms call sleepless when their little one wakes up a time or two. I'm talking up running around, and chatting until 5:30 am like he was a college freshman type of sleepless nights.

All the changes in our little ones personality made us wonder what was happening. We started to feel new teeth coming in a while ago so teething was part of the explanation.

Over Christmas, our little one started to speak in sentences. I've mentioned that I've heard things that sound like sentences before, but part of me couldn't admit it was happening. The first time I heard something was when my mom attached her removable baby gate to the doorway between her living room and kitchen. Noah walked up to it then said, "This is backwards." We all paused and my mom started laughing really hard because the gate was backwards. We soon realized that some of Noah's discomfort over the last month probably had something to do with his brain development. Over the next week he started to tell people not to touch things, "Don't touch," he would say at the Christmas tree at Ti ti Andy's house after she told him he couldn't touch it. Then he walked around for a long time at our friends Nick and Gina's house saying to their three year old, "What's this, what's that?" She would then say, "I know what that is it's a barbie," or whatever it was.

We were pretty excited as he stood in a room full of people on Christmas eve saying over and over, "Noah dance," as he swung his hips and danced all around.

We keep hearing new words and sometimes when we don't understand what he's saying, he rolls his eyes at us. Which makes me laugh really hard.

He took his new baby gorilla and held it up to his chest and said, "Nurse" to the gorilla. It was one of the most adorable things I've ever seen. He's been saying nurse for a really long time, and recently he's stopped playing with Ash long enough to come up to me and act like he was going to cuddle only to say, "nurse, nurse, nurse, nurse" over and over immediately. I told him recently that it made me sad he only wanted to spend time with me to nurse, and so now, he cuddles with me a good three minutes before asking to nurse. It's pretty adorable.

Tonight he didn't want to eat the dinner I made him. We think it was because we have been concerned about his weight recently and we literally offered him food every hour he was awake today. He ate a ton, and so at dinner, I imagine his little tummy just had no more room. He'd eaten cereal, a pear, a cheese stick and some supplement too close to dinner.

Noah roamed around the kitchen and Ash chased him so I could eat after Ash had finished. Noah started to cry and asked to sit on my lap. Then he began to cuddle me, and he didn't ask to nurse. He sat there happily on my lap for a while. Then I said to Ash, "Five bucks says the next word out of his mouth is N-U-R-S-E."

Then I went on, "I spelled it..."

"Nurse." Noah said it with a huge smile then kept playing with the mashed potatoes on his plate in front of me.

"Did he just?" Ash and I stared at each other.

Noah looked up at me without turning towards me then got a huge smile and started laughing. Then he pushed off of me and walked away.

I think this means that now I have to stop spelling the swear words I want to use.

Nap Time: A Conversation Between Mother and Son

Noah got tired around 2 pm today. He showed signs of needing a nap, lots of yawning, frustration with his puzzle, extra cuddling, etc.

At 4 pm, he still hadn't napped. He started to go from cuddling and starting to fall asleep to running around and laughing to crying to yawning to screaming to everything in between.

Finally, I brought him into the nursery and gently hinted it was nap time while cuddling with him in our glider.

Me: Noah it's nap time.
Noah: Nigh nigh, mama.
Me: Yes, it's nap time!
Noah pointing to the crib this time: Nigh nigh, mama.

I walked him to the crib and he happily got in laid down and closed his eyes for three seconds. Then he jumped up laughed and started gnawing on the wood on the side of his crib.

Smiling this time, Noah: Nigh nigh, mama.

Then crying and reaching for me: Nigh nigh, mama.

I picked him up and cuddled with him again. He looked up again: Nigh nigh, mama.

He dozed off, I placed him in the crib, turned the video monitor on and ran down to make cookies. I finished mixing the dough then heard the video camera hit the wall because 10 minutes in, nap time was over.

I picked Noah up and he cuddled on my shoulder.

Noah: Nigh nigh

Before he finished lying to me, he pushed out of my arms and began to run circles around me, laughing and waving.

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays from our family to yours!

Love

Ashley, Amanda &Noah

Sticking to a Family Budget

Now that I'm a professional mom, something new to me is sticking to our family budget. It's not new as in new this month but over the last 16 months I've had to learn to stay within the realms of our budget.

Before we had Noah we thought I'd go back to work after six months at home. We figured I'd try to work closer so that I wouldn't continue to work ridiculous hours on top of a minimum of 15 hours of commuting a week.

But life played out and when Noah was born, I could not imagine leaving him every day to go back to work. We ran numbers, and after a lot of soul searching, Ash and I decided that the best thing for our family and Noah would be for me to be home with him for a few years. That decision has turned out to the be the best and most rewarding decision we've ever made. I'm one of those moms that loves being there for all of Noah's firsts, and while I know it's not for everyone, it's very much something that makes Noah, Ash and me very happy.

When I was working and we didn't have children, we were able to travel wherever we wanted and eat out as much as we wanted without worrying about a budget. Neither of us are extravagant people so we never ran into problems with our money.

Now, I struggle to find ways to stick to the family budget. Over the last couple of months we had to fly to Chicago for a wedding which really blew a hole through the family budget or rather threw it out the window, we had Thanksgiving, and it seemed the budget just sort of disappeared.

We knew we had an upcoming trip to think about and just when I thought nothing could go our way, I checked out the prices of flights on Priceline so I could negotiate flights with them for half off. As I was researching, an option for a flight package and rental car for the same price as the regular airfare price came up. And so it seems someone, the Priceline god or something, wanted me to be able to stay on a better budget. The flights alone were already cheaper than they were last week when I checked the numbers.

Then this morning, I headed to the grocery store to pick up organic chicken, not only was the chicken marked down to $3.85 today, when I checked out an additional $0.80 came off of the bill.

So it seems maybe the balance our family needs will come from making up for some of the splurges we make by knocking off dollars from some of the other purchases we plan on. I'm also learning to make meals that will yield leftovers despite my extreme dislike for reheated food. We only eat out occasionally, and I try not to waste grocery money on oreos and other things that I may love but we don't need.

We could use a few more tips on sticking to our family budget. We're always going to travel, it's part of who we are. So one place we could use help on saving some money is at the grocery store. I cook 2-3 meals a day, and we buy organic as much as the budget will allow. Ash grabs lunch at work, while Noah and I eat about three meals a day at home.

Do you have any tips for us? How do you stick to your monthly budget?

Those People

Those people, that family, those parents, whatever you call it when a child has a break down or tantrum in public.

We've never been those people. Never, not once on an air plane even though we've flown with Noah over 30 times, not international, or in a store or at a restaurant. Not once.

Until today. We scheduled a Portrait Session at Target in the midst of one of the roughest weeks Noah's ever had. It's reminiscent of when he was a brand new baby. He's up every hour at night, with congestion, growing, teething, calculus, whatever it is that's keep him up.

Today, Ash called about 20 minutes before we were supposed to meet him for our photos. I was standing in the doorway with Noah who only wanted me to hold him trying to convince him to put on his jacket and come with me to see "Dada." I was short with Ash and told him that I couldn't talk and we were in the middle of a pretty rough day, "Why?" I could tell in his voice he didn't believe our adorable little boy was capable of the day I seemed to be describing.

This adorable child have a rough day? Never.

We rushed to meet Ash and got to Target. Noah's face a little red from crying, mine a little flushed from praying it would stop.

He saw Ash and was happy for a moment then started whining for me, then for Ash, then for me. We got in line to check in for our session and Noah started playing with a little boy named Gregory. Then Gregory had to leave and Noah tried to leave with him. Then the crying started again.

We went in for our pictures and Noah was fine, laughing, cuddling, adorable. No hint of whatever it is that's been ailing him.

The session ended and the screaming began again. We sat looking at the photos and Noah switched back and forth between his parents, happy with one then the other then neither. Pointing, yelling, angry.

And as we walked out of Target we realized we were those people with the screaming toddler. I was blowing on Noah's face and Ash was rubbing his back, but nothing was working. We received sympathetic looks from other parents and death stares from the people without kids or the people whose kids would never behave like that in public.

And you know what, I felt bad for Noah. And I felt really grateful that it took us 16 months to be that family.

Everyone is entitled to a day like today. We got out to the parking lot, Ash kissed Noah goodbye and then I cuddled Noah for 30 minutes in the car until he calmed down and fell asleep. He needed more sleep after the night we had last night but wouldn't let himself have it until it seemed like there was nothing better to do.

Christmastime with Noah

I promised Noah he didn't have to sit on Santa's lap if he didnt' want to

He enjoyed watching from a distance

And he loved the fake snow all seven times that we waited in line to stare at Santa

Then Noah picked out rainbow tinsel, garland and ornaments for our Christmas tree

He helped me put all 60 ornaments on the tree

At first he threw the ornaments at the tree but eventually he got the hang of it

And finally, he rested and enjoyed staring at all the pretty colors on the tree

White Mother, Black Son

Something I struggle with daily is the reality of parenting a black son as a white mother. I am white and with that comes certain privileges. Different mothers deal with this in different ways. I often look around or read stories from white mothers that are self-deprecating when it comes to race. These mothers struggle to acknowledge the privileges of being white in American society. They teach their white children that they are privileged too. I've also witnessed white mothers who pretend such privilege does not exist. These mothers often believe in equality and don't perceive their ideas as racist. Even so, they deny the inequalities that still exist because of our country's history.

Sometimes I find myself reflecting on my own privilege. I have never, like my black husband, had guns pointed at me as I was told by police that I fit a perp description. I understand that as a white woman I can argue with police about a traffic ticket without fearing for my safety. I understand that there are other subtle ways that black people (and people of other ethnicities) experience institutional racism daily. Privilege can be easy to miss when it is not overt and simply involves not experiencing something.

Unlike many other white mothers, I have had the opportunity to experience a life of diminished privilege. I'm talking, of course, about times when I play the role of white mother to a black son. In that role, I often experience negative sentiment from both white and black people. We've certainly experienced our share of closed hearts and minds. Alone, I find myself receiving head nods from other white people after quasi-racist things are said. When I'm with Noah, I'm no longer thought to be part of the club.

I am not raising a child that looks like me. As Noah's mother, I will not deny that inequities exist because of our country's history. Nor will I teach him self-deprecation since, even though I contributed half of his DNA, we're not really part of the same club in the eyes of many.

Sometimes I turn to the experiences of black mothers to see how they are raising their black children. Inevitably, I wind up feeling left out at some point as I run into assumptions they make that really don't pertain to Noah and I. Many times, the assumption is made that all white mothers are in the business of raising white children that will bear their privilege. In many ways, I relate to their experiences and stories but just as Noah is not part of my club, I am not part of theirs.

I am a white mother raising a black son.