Learning to Sleep Without Crying It Out

This is not a post about crying it out. I'm not going to get preachy or judgmental about parents who do or don't cry it out. What I want to explain here is why we never did cry it out, and why I am confident Noah will sleep on his own before college. Maybe even sooner.

When Noah was an infant, I slept sitting up and held him upright all night long because he had reflux. I did that until he was 4 months old when he signaled to me that he wanted to sleep next to me. He slept there until one day when he flipped around so much and crawled out of our bed. He was 15 months old, and we moved him into his crib in his own room at that point.

Noah is 22 months old, and I have gotten up every time he's needed me in the night. It makes sense to me, and it seems to work well for Noah. This doesn't mean that I need less sleep than anyone else or that I never wish I'd had a better night's sleep. But it feels right. I cannot in my right conscience sleep or lay there knowing that Noah needs or wants me to be there. I worry far too much about making him feel abandoned or creating someone that is clingy later in life because I wasn't there when he wanted/needed me. That's the decision we've made for our family. And now that I'm pregnant again, there are moments where we've wondered if we've done the right thing or if Noah will be ready to sleep longer by the time the baby is born.

Noah has a routine that we follow every night. Dinner, bath, guy time watching Arthur with daddy, then cuddling with mommy until he falls asleep. It takes a while to get all the way through the routine, but we all enjoy the time we spend together. Sometimes it's rough because Noah can take a very long time to fall asleep. Last night was one of those nights. Every night I give Noah a two minute warning that I am going to bed soon whether he does or not and he always falls asleep in that two minutes. Last night he didn't. So I brought him up from the living room where we usually cuddle to sleep to his rocking chair in his room. He was squirmy and trying to make me let him rock alone so he could just run around and play. Eventually, I kissed him, told him I loved him then laid him down in his crib. He was tired so I patted his back gently then told him I loved him and left the room. I sat on the edge of our bed and waited for him to call for me. I just needed a minute to sit and regroup. A few minutes later, Noah let out a very small cry like he does in his sleep. I rushed in the hallway to check on him. I'd left his door open and could see that he was not standing up in the crib waiting for me.

He was sleeping. Noah had put himself to sleep. I couldn't believe it. This is the first time Noah's done that in 22 months for a nap or bedtime or anything. He falls asleep sometimes in his stroller or the car seat but never just because it's time to nap. Those times are out of pure exhaustion.

I went back and sat on the edge of our bed in complete disbelief. I waited and waited and waited. Until, I heard a noise. Ash walking up the stairs from his studio in the basement. I stood at the top of our stairs to warn him that Noah was sleeping and I wasn't sure what was happening. He was as surprised as I was that Noah just went to sleep on his own. He was afraid to come up the stairs because Noah has super power hearing and hears when either of us tries to walk past his room. I waved Ash up and told him I didn't mind if Noah woke up and I had to go in there.

He slept over an hour before he woke up wanting to cuddle. This is not atypical so I went in and cuddle him for 30 seconds and he was back asleep. I went to bed around 11 and he didn't wake up again until 3. When I went in he wanted to be held for a few seconds but then he asked me to put him back in his bed. I obliged and he rolled on to his stomach and went to sleep.

Over the last week, Noah has sleep straight through the night 3 times which brings his lifetime tally of sleeping through the night to 6 nights. I think, I am comfortable saying that we've done the right thing. He's learning to sleep on his own and for longer not because we forced him to but because it's what he needs, now.

Parents have lots of opinions about sleeping. And parents with kids that don't sleep through the night sometimes blame themselves while parents with little ones that sleep straight through like to take credit for being amazing parents. Some parents with kids who sleep through the night are amazing parents and some of them are not. Some parents with kids who don't sleep well are amazing parents and some are not.

We like to think of ourselves as magic parents because Noah's way more social and friendly than any other kid we've ever met, but the truth is, it's who he is and we're helping him on that path by supporting him and making sure he feels loved, safe, secure and confident. We'll only know if we're magic parents and did all the right things when Noah's much older. I'm hoping that he grows up to be the type of person that cares about other people's feelings and helps older people across the street without them having to ask or him being told to. I hope he respects himself. I hope someday when he has children he remembers how loved and supported he was in the middle of the night. I hope he's kind to them. And above all, I hope he's very happy. Whoever he becomes, whoever he loves, whatever he choices to do with his life. Anything is possible and none of it has anything to do with how old he finally is when he goes to bed on his own and sleeps through the night.